Honestly, I really hate the ‘holidays’. One of the things I hate the most are the ceaseless repetitions of Christmas carols. Abominable to begin with, their unending iterations are the thing to drive men mad (and I do not mean crazy).
A few years back I came across some carols a bit more tolerable. Read on for some amusing parodies of songs I’m sure you’ll hear dozens, if not scores, of times in the upcoming months.
Rudolph the Red Nosed Cultist
Rudolph the Red Nosed Cultist
had a few insanities
and if you ever saw him
he’ll be chanting with great glee
Cthulhu fthagn Ia – aa
He is sleeping ‘neath the foam
as he stared out the window
through the bars where he made his home
Then one foggy moon streaked eve
Cthulhu came to say
Rudolph with your mind so brave
won’t you be my eternal slave
then all the other cultists
join Rudolph the mighty high priest
has joined Cthulhu in his lair.
Over the River and through the Woods
Over the River and through the Woods
To the Plateau of Leng we go
We hope that someday
we can finally say
that we saw the god on the slooo opeOver the River and through the Woods
To Kadath so cold we go
Nightgaunts pull the sleigh
to hurry their way
past the Shantaks O, we hooo-opeOver the River and through the Woods
I fear that we’ve gone too far
the Gods don’t condone
a mortal at home
farewell those who listened this far……
The Carol of the Old Ones
lyrics by A.H. Leman to the tune of Carol of the Bells by M. Leontovich
Look to the sky way up on high
There in the nigh stars now are right
Eons have passed now then at last
Whence They were penned They will descendThey will retun mankind will learn
New kinds of fear once They are here
As They reclaim all in Their name
Watch only can powerless manIgnorant fools mankind now rules
Where They ruled then it’s Theirs again
Madness will reign terror and pain
Woes without ry scary scary scary Solstice
Very very very scary SolsticeUp from the sea from underground
Down from the sky They’re all around
They will retun mankind will learn
New kinds of fear when They are hereThey will return
(followed by a glorious arrangement of four part harmonies.)
O Come All Ye Deep Ones
Lyrics by A.H. Leman to the tune of “O Come All Ye Faithful” by John Reading
O come all ye Deep Ones,
Mi-Go, Ghouls and Nightgaunhts;
Come foul Shub Niggurath and all Ancient Ones.
Come Great Cthulhom the ocean.CHORUS
O come, let us abhor them,
O come, let us abhor them,
O come, let us abhor them,
Scream, run and hide.Their old dominion
Mankind now rules blithely,
Stars turning overhead to bring forth his doom.
They will return here, greedy and malevolent.CHORUS
Great Old Ones Are Coming to Town
You’d better watch out; you better go hide.
And Elder Sign’s needed for this Yuletide
Great Old Ones are comin to town.nd shaking it twice.
They’re going to hit you, naughty or nice.
Great Old Ones are coming to town.
They’re bringing ugly Shuggoths,
And horrid Deep Ones too,
Shub Niggurath is waking up
And so is Cthulhu
So you better watch out, you’d better go ‘way,
Before the big guy comes up from R’lyeh.
Great Old Ones are coming to town.
The Solstice Song
Victims roasting on an open fire,
Deep Ones ripping off your nose,
Mindless chanting ’round the funeral pyre
And folks strung up by their toes.
Ev’rybody knows how festive open wounds can be;
You’ll go crazy at the sight.
Tiny tots with their eyeballs aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight.
They know Cthulhu’s on his way;
The beast is rising from the depths of dark R’lyeh.
And ev’ry mother’s child is gonna cry
And beg for mercy and pray quickly to die.
And so I’m offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety two;
Although its been said many times, many ways,
“Barra na zu absu.”
Azathoth
sung to Jingle BellsAzathoth
Azathoth
Azathoth, the King
Center of the Universe,
Insanity he brings, Hey!
Azathoth
Azathoth
Azathoth, the King
Center of the Universe
Insanity he brings
Writhing round the place
Insane pipers pipe
Takes up lots of space
The stars are getting ripe
R’Lyeh soon may rise
Nyarlathotep plots
Earth will be the prize
We’ll all lose our spots, Ohhh
Azathoth
Azathoth
Azathoth, the King
Center of the Universe
IN – SANITY HEEEE BRIIIIIIIINGS!!!!!!!!!