1. In Mourning – Monolith
2. 10 Years – Feeding the Wolves
3. Gladiator – Circular Reasoning
4. Soilwork – The Panic Broadcast
5. Solution .45 – For Aeons Past
6. Obscura – Cosmogenesis
7. Hellsongs – Minor Misdemeanors
8. Blind Guardian – At the Edge of Time
9. The Damned Things – Ironiclast
10. Dark Tranquility – We Are the Void
11. Anathema – We’re Here Because We’re Here
12. Apocalyptica – 7th Symphony
13. Cloudkicker – Beacons
14. Holy Grail – Crisis in Utopia

Hobbies and Interests

1. RPGs — I have a ton of games I haven’t read or played. I think it’s time to review what I have, what I use, and what I’m realistically going to play. Once I get through that, I can start to prioritize my gaming. Goal: list my games and divide into Use, Read, and Trash piles. Skim trash pile for good ideas, copy to a few documents for keeping and then delete. Due: April 1
2. Cooking — I like cooking (and eating). This is one where I just need to expand my skills and challenge myself a bit. Also, I need to start cooking more often and not eating out so much just to save money and calories. Goal: cook at least 15 of 21 meals a week.
3. Programming — I need to get back in the habit of writing code at home, something that has been slipping for several months. Goal: finish web version of dice site. Due: march 1.
4. Reading — getting a home has actually put me in front of a TV more often instead of coding, reading, or being productive at all. Goal: read a book a month, switching between fiction and non-fiction.
5. Music — I listen to a lot of music. It’s time to pare down my collection and get a bit more discriminating on what I actually buy. Goal 1: spend only $30 a month on music. Goal 2: reduce my music library by 10%. Due: march 1.
6. Science & Skepticism — I want to get more involved with skepticism. Goal: Join the Tampa Skeptics and go to all meetings this year.

Health and Well-Being

1. Weight — something I’ve bitched and whined about for a while and time to get a little more serious about. There are two approaches to this; either gradually or sharply. Gradually is most likely the best bet as it is less likely to create a huge “falling off the wagon” problem. Goal: start using LoseIt again and lose 10% of my weight by my birthday. That comes out to about 10 pounds a month, rough but doable. I will also be at 300 pounds (or less) by the end of the year.
2. Fitness — while weight is the difference of calories in vs. calories out, fitness is exercise’ and something I’ve been notoriously bad at. Include my goal to code more and exercise looks to be a bit hard to work in. But it needs to be done, and I expect it to be easier as I lose weight as well. Goal: walk 1000 miles this year (about three miles a day). I already walk about a mile a day normally (walking into work, around the office, etc.) but I will add and average of two more miles a day. The overall goal is 6000 steps a day (according to my FitBit)
3. Attention/Focus/Productivity — this is the really tricky one that binds the others together. For productivity (especially at work) I’m going to go Pomodoro. It’s been great the last few days at work and I’m going to try it at home with coding and cleaning. Goal: 6 pomodoros a day at work and 3 at home. As for attention and focus, I’m not sure know to measure that. Hopefully some research will give me some ideas.
4. Financial — this is one I did really well for 2 years and then let slip over the past 4 months. Goal: save $300 per month and make a budget each month.

So there are my goals

1. triage my RPGs by April 1
2. cook 15 of 21 meals a week
3. finish web version of dice site by march 1
4. read a book a month
5. reduce music library by 10% by march 1 and limit spending on music to $30 per month
6. Join Tampa Skeptics and attend meetings
7. use LoseIt on phone, lose 40 pounds by April 28 and be at 300 or less by end of year
8. walk 1000 miles by end of year (6000 steps a day)
9. 6 pomodoros at work and 3 at home. Research attention focus drills
10. save $300 per month and make a budget each month

Wow, that’s a lot. I think the next thing to do is prioritize those goals, but I’ll have to think on that.

• A Different Breed of Killer – I, Colossus
• Arsis – A Diamond For Disease
• Soreption – Illuminate The Excession
• Psycroptic – Symbols of Failure
• Nile – Ithyphallic
• Coram Lethe – A Splendid Chaos

His show rocks and I’ll probably be getting his book soon. You can find the first season of his show “Just Eat This” on iTunes. Well worth the money.


SELECT id, count(*) as n
FROM table_name
GROUP BY id
HAVING n > 1


Almost all popular RPGs are adventure games – escapist, wish-fulfilling power fantasies. We play heroes evincing varying degrees of ass-kickitude, overcoming villains and other obstacles, saving the day and otherwise demonstrating their reverberant mastery. The fantasy genre is adventure in pseudo-medieval armor. SF? Adventure with blasters. Superheroes? Adventure in spandex.

Unlike their cousins on the movie screens or the paperback bookshelves, adventure game scenarios hold out at least the possibility of failure. A wandering monster’s surprise instant-kill power can get wipe out your entire 12th level party. A missed roll can prevent you from firing your photon torpedo into the Xurnabi space station as it obliterates the planet.

By and large, though, the rules and conventions of the adventure are skewed to massage the desire for the control and triumph our workaday lives deny us. We encounter only the monsters our party is buff enough to slay – or are copiously warned when we mistakenly venture into tougher areas of the dungeon. Clue trails are kept cleaner than real-life mysteries allow. The death and dying rules allow our PCs to recover in hours from hundred meter falls, stabbings in the heart, and the occasional touch of leprosy.

Games truly set in the horror genre turn these assumptions on their head. The secret of successfully scaring your players is to remember and ceaselessly exploit this dynamic. Horror stories are fantasies of powerlessness. Rip away all of the cozy assumptions instilled in players by other roleplaying experiences, and you’ll scare the bejeepers out of them.

(First of all, though, you need to be sure the game you’ve picked up is really a horror game, or an adventure game in genre drag. The great success of the Vampire line and its many spawn can be traced to the way it grafts horror iconography onto a traditional escapist power-fantasy.)

Another quibble must be dispatched before we move on. Surely there’s a difference between scaring the players, and scaring the PCs? Not in a horror game there isn’t. In a traditional adventure game, you might want to subject the heroes to fear-effects which their players need not suffer. In that instance, you can tell a player that his character is terrified, or gibbering insanely and wielding a garlic press, and expect him to play out that behavior, without wanting him to method-act it.

A horror game should be just as scary to the participants as a horror movie is to its audience. If only the imaginary people are unnerved, you’ve failed – just as you’ve failed if your adventure game doesn’t create a sense of excitement, tension, and, at the end of it all, reward.

Icky images that make the flesh crawl are all well and good. But mere imagery can be co-opted. It’s tough now to run a Lovecraft-based game because his creatures and tropes have entered into fannish lore and become the font of a zillion jokes. Plush Cthulhus are old hat, and now you can add stuffed shoggoths and byahkees to your collection, too.

Horror images are powerful when they tie into a loss of control for the player. For example, we fear disease and death because they remove our control over our very selves. No matter how familiar they become, we’ll always recoil at depictions of injury, bodily malfunction, and decay.

When creating a horror scenario, think up as many ways as you can to strip the PCs, and thus the players who experience the scenario through them, of their usual sense of control. Then create a ladder of control loss, beginning with minor incidents and building up to major ones, so that the vise is steadily tightened throughout the course of the evening.

The scariest game I ever ran was a playtest for a Cthulhu scenario written for Chaosium. (Given their vast stock of commissioned but unpublished material, this may surface just before the big guy himself rises from R’lyeh.) The PCs are children, a choice that immediately makes them vulnerable and powerless. An entire horror game, Little Fears, derives its potency from this idea.

On the other hand, you can allow your PCs to equip themselves with all the accoutrements of power, then take them away or make them useless. The big tough guy with the machine gun and the sinewy muscles suffers an even greater fall from grace when his bullets are stolen, and a freaky parasite starts eating his biceps from the inside.

Isolation also breeds vulnerability. Most roleplayers are lucky enough to live in relative safety from predators, human or otherwise. When trouble does loom, we know we can rely on the authorities for help. Situate your scenarios as far away from help as possible. Then, as the action gets hairy, find a creative way to cut the few lifelines that remain.

Foster direct identification between player and PC. Games set in the 1920s are safe and quaint. Scenarios taking place on exotic planets couldn’t possibly happen to us. Place the action in your own neighborhood. Reinforce the bizarre with the mundane: have that phallic, toothy eel slither out from the business end of a Coke machine.

Adjust your GMing style to squelch the jollier mood typical of standard adventure play. Announce off the top that you’ll step more harshly than usual on digressions and other out-of-character discussion. Again, the idea is to intensify the sense of identification.

You might think, then, that you should ruthlessly stomp out all jokes and laughter. Not so – laughter is an anxiety release, and therefore a sign of tension. Grim jokes are a sign of success. If you think they’re working too well as an anxiety reliever, though, keep an eye on the group’s collective complacency level. After they think they’ve laughed their fears away, blindside them with some exceptional bit of nastiness. You want the emotional vibe to ebb and flow throughout the evening. The ideal horror moment is one where the players let their guards down, even though they know they shouldn’t, leaving themselves wide open for you to bring the hammer down.

For those who like power, the only safe seat in a horror game is that of the GM. Perhaps that’s why many of the most talented GMs are drawn to the genre – your players essentially volunteer to be messed with.

Now that’s a power fantasy.

1. Talmuk and Sons are renown as makers of fine bags of holding and other magical goods.

2. After many years of exemplary service, all the owners of Talmuk and Sons bags find the bags empty of their contents, stolen by the bags creators.

3. Talmuk and his sons have heavy anti-scrying devices and must be hunted down the hard way.

“I understand, Ban-shu,” Rek replied, using the shaman’s proper title. “Both my father and master Xioshan believes it is time for me to undertake this task. That my destiny lies at the end.”
“And what of your family, and your duties here among our people?” the shaman asked, raising an eyebrow. Gorsk had been expecting Rek’s father to suggest such an idea, but not the clan’s gu-ron, master of ink and steel. Master Xioshan was old, even by the shaman’s reckoning, and wise in his years.
“My wives will be well cared for by my brother-husband,” Rek answered, forehead still almost touching the dirt floor. “My father is still young, and should anything happen, he still has my older brothers.” Rek raised his head from the ground and stared the shaman in the eye. “Tzai is not my place now.”
“We cannot keep you from undertaking the orzu, Rek, nor would we want to,” Gorsk said. “We only wish to make sure you know the consequences of your actions. If you still wish to undertake the orzu, present yourself at Gu Hash Kinnuth at dusk, three nights hence, and we shall ask the spirits to guide your first steps. Be prepared.” Once again, Rek bowed his head to the ground before answering.
“As you say, Ban-shu.”

Final Exam

INSTRUCTIONS: Read all instructions before answering questions. Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time limit 4 hours. You may begin immediately.
Agriculture
1) Outline the steps involved in breeding your own super high yield, all weather hybrid strain of wheat. Describe its chemical and physical properties and estimate its impact on world food supplies. Construct a model for dealing with world-wide surpluses.

Art
2) Explain the Mona Lisa’s smile. Relate all interpretations associated with it.

Biology
3) Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system. Verify this estimation.

Chemistry
4) Transform lead into gold. You will find a tripod and three logs under your seat. Show all work including Feynman diagrams and quantum functions for all steps.

Economics
5) Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist controversy, and the wave theory of light. Outline a method from all points of view. Point out the deficiencies in your point of view , as demonstrated in your answer to the last question.

Engineering
6) The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to your room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.

English/Literature
7) Write, from memory, in perfect english, the Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary. You will find 1500 sheets of paper under your chair.
8) Compose an epic poem based on the events of you own life in which you see and footnote allusions from T.S. Eliot, Keats, Chauler, Dante, Norse Mythology, and the Marx Brothers. Critique your poem with a full discussion of its merits. What could have been added/changed to make it perfect?

Epistemology
9) Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your position.

General Knowledge
10) Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.

Geography
11) Draw a detailed map of the world showing all streets and traffic light locations. At 4:00 pm GMT, what are the colors of the traffic lights?

History
12) Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day; concentrate especially but not exclusively on the social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America, and Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific.
13a) Compare and contrast the religions of ancient Egypt, Palestine, and Mesopotamia.
13b) Trace the growth and development of Greek Philosophy.
13c) Describe the growth, development, decline and fall of the Roman Empire.
13d) Discuss, in detail, any differences or similarities between the events in the previous three parts and their causes/effects. Provide concrete evidence.
14) Describe the history of all religions from their earliest origins to the present day. Prove which is best in a manner that will convince all other religions.

Logic
15) Using accepted methodology, prove all four of the following: That the universe is infinite; that truth is beauty; that there is no little person who turns off the light in the refrigerator when you close the door, and that you are the person taking this exam. Now disprove all of the above. Be specific. Show all work.

Management Science
16) Define Management. Define Science. How do they relate? Why? Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all managerial decisions. Implement your algorithm on either a GE 645, CDC 7600, IBM 360/195, or PDP-8. Your program should include all software necessary to support 100 interactive consoles.

Mathematics
17) Define division by zero, and its effects upon all areas of mathematics. The less effects produced by your definition, the better your grade.
18) Calculate PI to two million decimal places and, by using this result, calculate the volume of the galaxy to 1,999,999 decimal places.

Medicine
19) Behind your desk you will find a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work is inspected.

Music
20) Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

Philosophy
21a) Why?
21b) If this is the question, what is the answer?
21c) What is the question given that the answer is 42?
22) Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.

Physics
23) Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science, plus the possible effect of electromagnetic radiations on global pollution and on the love life of radar operators who spend long periods in that environment.
24) Define the universe in detail. List three examples.
25) Disprove Einstein’s Theory of Relativity. Construct an experiment to prove your position.

Political Science
26) On the desk behind you is a red phone. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.

Psychology
27) Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramses II, and Hammurabi. Support your evaluation with quotations from each man’s work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.
28) Employing principles from the major schools of psychoanalytic thought, successfully subject yourself to analysis. Make appropriate personality evaluations and changes, bill yourself, and fill out all appropriate medical insurance forms. Now do the same to the person on your immediate left.

Public Speaking
29) Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.

Sociology
30) Prove the existance and explain the development of the “Boy meets Girl” theory.
31) Estimate the sociological problems that might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.

Extra Credit
EC01) Give today’s date in metric.
EC02) Give three good reasons why Bruce Springsteen or the New Kids On The Block deserve success.
EC03) If you have followed instructions you will read this instruction before attempting any answers. You are instructed to ignore everything on this test except for the first and last (this one) instructions. Write your name in pig latin under the term “Extra Credit” and turn in your paper. This will result in a perfect score for you. Any other marks on this paper will negate this instruction and you will be graded according to your answers to the previous twenty-eight questions. All contents of this paragraph become null and void 180 seconds after recieving this exam.

A few years back I came across some carols a bit more tolerable. Read on for some amusing parodies of songs I’m sure you’ll hear dozens, if not scores, of times in the upcoming months.

Rudolph the Red Nosed Cultist

Rudolph the Red Nosed Cultist
had a few insanities
and if you ever saw him
he’ll be chanting with great glee
Cthulhu fthagn Ia – aa
He is sleeping ‘neath the foam
as he stared out the window
through the bars where he made his home
Then one foggy moon streaked eve
Cthulhu came to say
Rudolph with your mind so brave
won’t you be my eternal slave
then all the other cultists
join Rudolph the mighty high priest
has joined Cthulhu in his lair.

Over the River and through the Woods

Over the River and through the Woods
To the Plateau of Leng we go
We hope that someday
we can finally say
that we saw the god on the slooo ope

Over the River and through the Woods
To Kadath so cold we go
Nightgaunts pull the sleigh
to hurry their way
past the Shantaks O, we hooo-ope

Over the River and through the Woods
I fear that we’ve gone too far
the Gods don’t condone
a mortal at home
farewell those who listened this far……

The Carol of the Old Ones

lyrics by A.H. Leman to the tune of Carol of the Bells by M. Leontovich

Look to the sky way up on high
There in the nigh stars now are right
Eons have passed now then at last
Whence They were penned They will descend

They will retun mankind will learn
New kinds of fear once They are here
As They reclaim all in Their name
Watch only can powerless man

Ignorant fools mankind now rules
Where They ruled then it’s Theirs again
Madness will reign terror and pain
Woes without ry scary scary scary Solstice
Very very very scary Solstice

Up from the sea from underground
Down from the sky They’re all around
They will retun mankind will learn
New kinds of fear when They are here

They will return

(followed by a glorious arrangement of four part harmonies.)

O Come All Ye Deep Ones

Lyrics by A.H. Leman to the tune of “O Come All Ye Faithful” by John Reading

O come all ye Deep Ones,
Mi-Go, Ghouls and Nightgaunhts;
Come foul Shub Niggurath and all Ancient Ones.
Come Great Cthulhom the ocean.

CHORUS
O come, let us abhor them,
O come, let us abhor them,
O come, let us abhor them,
Scream, run and hide.

Their old dominion
Mankind now rules blithely,
Stars turning overhead to bring forth his doom.
They will return here, greedy and malevolent.

CHORUS

Great Old Ones Are Coming to Town

You’d better watch out; you better go hide.
And Elder Sign’s needed for this Yuletide
Great Old Ones are comin to town.nd shaking it twice.
They’re going to hit you, naughty or nice.
Great Old Ones are coming to town.

They’re bringing ugly Shuggoths,
And horrid Deep Ones too,
Shub Niggurath is waking up
And so is Cthulhu

So you better watch out, you’d better go ‘way,
Before the big guy comes up from R’lyeh.
Great Old Ones are coming to town.

The Solstice Song

Victims roasting on an open fire,
Deep Ones ripping off your nose,
Mindless chanting ’round the funeral pyre
And folks strung up by their toes.
Ev’rybody knows how festive open wounds can be;
You’ll go crazy at the sight.
Tiny tots with their eyeballs aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight.
They know Cthulhu’s on his way;
The beast is rising from the depths of dark R’lyeh.
And ev’ry mother’s child is gonna cry
And beg for mercy and pray quickly to die.
And so I’m offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety two;
Although its been said many times, many ways,
“Barra na zu absu.”

Azathoth

sung to Jingle BellsAzathoth
Azathoth
Azathoth, the King
Center of the Universe,
Insanity he brings, Hey!

Azathoth
Azathoth
Azathoth, the King
Center of the Universe
Insanity he brings

Writhing round the place
Insane pipers pipe
Takes up lots of space
The stars are getting ripe

R’Lyeh soon may rise
Nyarlathotep plots
Earth will be the prize
We’ll all lose our spots, Ohhh

Azathoth
Azathoth
Azathoth, the King
Center of the Universe
IN – SANITY HEEEE BRIIIIIIIINGS!!!!!!!!!